F.I.N.E.

I wrote a previous blog about “being attractive”, but probably not as you suppose. I feel it is part of our role, and responsibility, as Christians to live in such a way to where we are “attractive” to others. Meaning, people are drawn to us. Thousands of people were constantly being drawn to Jesus during His ministry, and we are called to reflect Him. One way we can do that is by living an “attractive” life.

For how to live an attractive life, click here.


I know I am guilty of this, but how often do you answer with the word, fine…? Someone says, “Hey! How are you doing?”

Fine.

Maybe you do it with more enthusiasm, but this is, more often than not, a default answer.

I learned a wonderful acronym from one of my great friends’ dad on the word fine. He grew up in a house with a wife and 3 daughters. (I grew up with 3 boys in my house, so I don’t have the history or understanding with this, but I believe his advice!) The age old wisdom he passed down to me was this:

F: Feelings

I: Inside

N: Not 

E: Expressed

When he heard the word “fine” in his house, he knew things were not fine.


One of our most innate desires is connection with another human being. When connection becomes too difficult or scary, or fear sets in, isolation can easily become our default. Sometimes, it is just easier to say fine than to open up your heart to someone.

We were not created for solidarity, but connection. It was not good for Adam to be alone in the garden, so God made Eve. (Genesis 2:18) We are better together, and if we are going to be together, let’s always get better! God created us for intimacy with Himself, and with others. A way in which we can honor God is by developing deep and meaningful relationships!

Intimacy comes at a cost, though. Sometimes, a big cost to us. When we are vulnerable with someone, we are exposed. Our hearts are revealed and there can be a lot of fear and uncertainty with how we will be received, because it’s outside of our control. Maybe it is pride getting in the way and in order to get close to someone, we have to think less of ourselves. Whatever it is, intimacy comes at a cost.

No life-giving, deep and meaningful relationship exists on the surface level. If you want meaning, you need to be vulnerable. If you want depth, you need to open your heart and share what is there. If you want life, you need foster relationships.

As I write today, I want to challenge you from a couple angles.

1. Don’t use “fine” as an answer when someone asks how you are doing, no matter how close or not close of friends you are. Dig deep and come up with something meaningful.

2. When you hear someone answer with the word “fine”, graciously, don’t accept it and press for more depth and meaning.

Yes, it is a risk because you will be expressing a part of your heart and soul to someone, and when humans are involved, there will always be a risk of hurt. But, I can’t imagine a life without meaningful connections being too enjoyable. Constantly living in isolation. Allowing fear of being seen dictating your every word. Not truly being known by anyone. That is no way to live. The way to combat this is by being vulnerable.

Fine is not acceptable only because each and every one of us were created by God with purpose, passion and talents. You have something to offer this world, and being fine is not it. Take the risk, today! Find someone you trust, or want to trust, and open your heart. Be vulnerable. Share what excites you, what scares you. Life is not meant to be lived alone, and your best will be born from the deep and meaningful relationships in your life, not from your mind and heart being in solitary confinement.

vulnerable

This is how we become even more attractive to those needing hope and life!

Take the chance. Life is on the other side of vulnerability.

Check out this video where Brene Brown shares research and findings on the depth and power of vulnerability in your life.

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