Loss. Death. These are painful realities of our lives here on this earth. No one likes it, it’s never easy, but it’s a fact of life we all have to endure at some point.
For myself, death was thrown into my life at the young age of 7, losing my dad and oldest brother in a car accident. It was terrible. The worst day of my life and the most difficult thing my family went through.
You probably have a similar story. Maybe not happening so young, or to someone so close, but I’m guessing you’ve felt the sting of death and loss.
There is always one question everyone asks, no matter the situation, and it’s usually just one word long: Why?
Why did this happen? Why do I have to deal with this for the rest of my life? Why did this person have to go? Why?
It’s the simplest of question with the deepest and most intricate of answers. On this side of heaven, we may never know why. I’m sure in heaven, this is the most popular question God gets: why?
While I don’t know the answer to the specific question, I can assure you as time passes, you have little moments, conversations and understanding of why this can be used for good. For others, and for yourself.
I remember the day my dad and brother died. I remember crying so much and feeling utterly exhausted. Unable to muster the energy to allow my body to cry, unable to produce anymore tears.
The shock of the moment lasts for a while, but then you move on to this lovely phase called grief, where the wrestling of trying to understand and questioning is at its most fierce. Grief is so tricky and confusing. But it’s also unavoidable.
I hated going through grief. I just wished it would end. I wanted to be done with that process. I knew grieving was vital to the healing process, but I hated it and would feel all the emotions throughout the process. Grief sucks, but crucial.
As terrible as the shock of death was, grief was just as bad, because it lasted.
Our questioning goes from “why did this happen” to “why does it still hurt”?
I was watching the show “American Idol” a few years ago and learned an incredibly profound lesson on grief from one of the contestants.
As he was auditioning, he had the opportunity to share his story and reason for auditioning. He told the story of a deep loss he experienced, the death of a very close relative and important person in his life. It was obvious he loved this person dearly and, just as obviously, he was crushed by the harsh reality.
In his pain, he had this understanding of the grief process, and it was so beautiful and comforting.
Here is the quote he used:
“Grief is the price of love.”
No one likes grieving, no one really wants to endure it, no matter how beneficial it is. There is only one sure fire way to never have to experience grief, and that’s to never love at all.
No love, no grief. But no grief, means no love.
This quote does not give us the assurance of never experiencing pain, but it’s gives us perspective. And more than that, it should give us a push to cherish each relationship, each person and all the moments that make up our lives and the love we share.
The comfort we can find is that when we are in those difficult moments of grief and loss, it’s because of the deep importance of the person to our lives. When we feel deeply in pain, it’s because we felt deeply in love.
I think because of my experience, I had fear of ever having to experience loss again. And I don’t think I acknowledged how fear was still present in me for a long time because I “got on with life”.
But hearing this quote after this young man shared his story really resonated with me. It felt like it freed me and allowed me to come to grips with the reality of grief, but not to be crippled by it. But freed by the opportunity of love, friendship and intimacy.
I can spend my life dreading grief, or I can spend it in love. I can spend it shackled in fear of death, or I can spend it freely, giving myself to the people who matter the most to me in this world.
So remember this quote when those hard moments appear in your life. Let it comfort you, give you perspective and give you the courage to continue on, doing and giving the best you can.
And in the meantime, love.
“The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalms 34:18
“Now these three remain, faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13
